MONOLOGUES

I believe in a better life, because life offers so many beautiful things to enjoy and live it. But life is based on risks and emotions, and we must fight for our beliefs. Growing up in the streets of my neighborhood was a stage in my life, with so much power, respect, adventures, craziness and danger. It was totally risky, knowing that any second I could be in jail or been killed. But behind all that I always believe that I could have a better life. It was just about making the decision, and really wanting to see the change. This I believe, I believe in a better life.

My friends and I always hung out all night, at the corner where we used to sell and use drugs. That was the corner of my neighborhood near my house. It was the 90’s in Carolina Puerto Rico. Every night was exciting listening to reggaeton music in the cars, girls dancing and smoking. And when we sell the mini bags of marijuana and sometimes a bit of cocaine. For us it was exciting and beautiful. We were living in urban paradise, I was twenty years old. 

It was easy money every night, enjoyed with my friends at parties, and it was like a hobby for us and entertainment. But definitely from another point of view, it was not so. At the same time we were risking our life with the other corners and the dogs; yeah the police. They were watching us all the time every night, especially every night I was in my neighborhood with a .357 Magnum in my back and ten small bags of grass “Marijuana” in my pocket, it was not easy.

I was never a bad boy, not even a drug dealer. I was a good person from a good family and well educated. I like Tupac music, painting on the walls, dancing and a smile from ear to ear. I just was always curious, daring and like to try new things and be in the dangerous life. Only this was a time with a lot of temptations and, living by the bad education of the neighborhood streets and friendships. Yes, I like that life. And when we were high, I never gave a damn about life and what came next. I had canceled the college of art, stopped drawing and painting graffiti, had sex with women without protection, and had bad behavior with my brothers and my parents. I was the black sheep in my house. I did not like being that way any more, I was twenty five years old; I know I deserve a better life.

I was always afraid of what would happen when my parents and family really knew what I was doing on the streets. Always keep the image of my mother in my conscience. And I asked myself, why am I here?, For I came to this world and what is my mission?. I just knew I was doing something wrong to my family, the society and myself. Inside I felt uncomfortable, lonely and confused not knowing what was the right decision to live. I was afraid to tell.

One day I decided to face my parents the whole truth. With the power of my words and fear that makes them suffer for my mistakes. I said to them; parents, the reason why I am always on the street and I’m like this is that I use and sell drugs. They stared at me in the eye and began to moan quietly. I was shaking like an earthquake, my tears came out of the silence between us. My parents did not beat me or reject me. They hugged me and asked me, what are you going to do now?” We can help. I told them, I’ll start drawing and painting again. My parents with tears like a river without pause, smile and hug me. I felt so safe and happy, then I felt a lot of love between us.

Two days later my best friend Albert, calls me and says they killed one of my friends, Victor. When they killed my friend, I felt very sad. But for that reason I had to get out of the streets. no doubt. I was twenty-eight, he was twenty-three. Clearing my mind and my soul I begin a new path. Retrieving the practice of drawing and creativity in my mind. Two months after the death of Victor. I achieved the opportunity to exhibit my paintings in a gallery in San Juan P.R. I felt excited, happy and free from all the bad decisions and evil from the past. I survived and discovered a better life, my real life.

I believe in a better life.

I believe that past mistakes are a tool to believe more in yourself. No matter how hard it was, we use it for experience and wisdom. Confronting the challenges that life gives us, and the commitment that we provide is to take the right decision, at the right time. This is what we can handle and take in our lives and how we live. In this I believe, I believe in a better life in my life.